The Delusion of Joy

A perspective shift from scarcity to abundance.

One of the most meaningful things I’ve learned this year is that our perspective creates joy, not what’s actually happening. In 2024, I gave myself more than enough reasons to feel happy—backpacking for nearly half the year, getting my own apartment, and revisiting old hobbies I’d left behind.

Yet despite so many proud moments, my mind still gravitated more naturally toward the negatives: inner-critics, insecurities, and internalized discontentment. Zooming in on what felt lacking rather than embracing everything in front of me.

And that’s how I started learning the hard truth that joy doesn’t come from a “good” life. In fact, the externalities really don’t matter. A spiritual teacher shared a quote with me that better articulates this concept:

“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful” – David Steindl-Ras

In other words, chasing joy is not about having more or doing more. I don’t need to backpack and chase new ambitions to tap into happiness. No matter how many exciting opportunities I throw at my mind, it will always find a new laundry list of problems to worry about. Instead of chasing joy, it’s something we need to actively practice by embracing what we have.

Choosing abundance over scarcity

Life presents us with two choices: to embrace it or resent it. Both options will always coexist, but the true power lies in how we choose to direct our focus. And when we practice an abundance mindset, we invite joy into our lives.

The challenge is that our brains are wired for survival, not for happiness. By default we focus on what’s wrong in order to avoid danger. But in today’s world, where life is more than just simply surviving, this mindset keeps us stuck in a perpetual loop of discontent.

Even in Western talk therapy, we focus heavily on our “problems” and on getting “better.” Why don’t we also talk about building tools to encourage positive thoughts?

When we live with a glass-half-empty mentality, we end up defining ourselves by what’s missing for so long that we forget all the incredible aspects of who we are.

Naturally, these hardwired neural pathways of scarcity take time to break down as we lay the foundation for an abundance mindset. A teacher once compared it to carving a new dirt road while scarcity already has a superhighway. We start with a rough path, add cobblestones, then concrete, until abundance becomes its own superhighway and scarcity breaks apart.

Embracing gratitude

Coming into the new year, my goal is to treat gratitude like a muscle I want to strengthen. And compassionately understanding that I need to be patient with myself.

What’s been most helpful even to start is just recognizing when I’m stuck in scarcity, such as fixating on part of myself I dislike, and seeing it as an opportunity to challenge the thoughts and give to myself. It’s essentially mindful CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) in action: catch the negative thought pattern, labeling it, then consciously shift toward a more positive one.

The tricky part is that gratitude can feel intangible, especially when my inner-critics often crowd out any positive voices. That’s why I rely on journaling to anchor positivity—it’s a lot easier for me to slow down and guide new thoughts that often feel foreign. I try to bring my journal with me throughout the day, and carve out time to do gratitude journaling or reframe situations that are causing anxiety.

And after a few months, it’s easier and easier to bring this abundance off paper and into my daily life. Inner-critics and scarcity will always co-exist in my mind, but I’m working towards attaching to my abundant, grateful perspectives instead.

What’s amazing is that the more I focus on my good qualities, the more I actually embody them. For me, that means tapping into my emotional, vulnerable side. It’s a trait I’m proud of developing, yet too easily forget when negativity takes over.

To kick off this year, I want start by sharing gratitude to just a handful of the many people who’ve impacted me this year:

Isaiah for being my unlicensed therapist, Mathias for traveling to the edge of the universe with me, Annabel for genuinely being my life role model, Josh for inspiring me to be more adventurous, Freja for teaching me the universe brings people together for a reason, Kareem for subconsciously planting seeds of wisdom, Neela always sharing so much compassion and challenging my beliefs, Justin & Ian for putting up with my anti-office rhetoric, Raymond for showing me how infectious positivity can be, Gianna for being a great sister, Connie for telling me not to grow a mustache, Sweek for being my homies for life, and so many more incredible folks.

If I can do only one thing in 2025, it’s to bring out gratitude and joy among the amazing people around me. And maybe, in the process, discover a little more of that same joy in myself.